Hi everyone, it's time for another update from narrowboat Hyrrokin! Mally and I are both doing well and gathering our energy for the next stage of transformation. Spring is here and the tension of warmth and growth contrasted with lingering cold, storms and rain has been quite consuming for me. I have at times felt frustrated and critical of myself for not getting more done and 'wasting time.' One of the stories that I took in deeply as a child was that I was a 'waste of time' this belief hidden deeply within me can make it hard to rest, to relax, to believe I am worthy of connection and fun and inherently valuable. As I have become more aware of this and been able to notice when I am feeling this way I am able to practice doing nothing, nurturing myself, messing around, playing and not constantly being in trying to prove I am not a waste of time - which I now realise is a waste of my life! So I'm starting to feel a deeper sense of safety and relaxation as I stop holding onto things so tight. I've found myself to be enveloped in a network of supportive and curious people with a deep desire for connection, belonging, play and tenderness. I've been really actively celebrating these connections which has helped me to be patient with myself in areas where I feel more stagnant. I've allowed the people around me to take me out of my perceived comfort zone and allowed myself more time and space to just be a body. On the boat and when I'm low on cash it can be easy to get into a preservation mentality. I'll be cold tonight in case it's even colder tomorrow. I've been trying to allow myself warm baths, cosy fires, and good company and to accept the generosity of my loved ones. This has felt wonderful and as I move toward the weekend when I will celebrate my thirty eighth year I feel more present and safe in my skin than ever.
I'm at a point where I'm ready to be more visible and to give back and share my learning and energy as a part of a community and in my work. It's a deeply personal thing to create something and it's a kind of reflection of my relationship with divinity and so it feels odd to think about selling and marketing but I'm hoping that if I stay focussed on my purpose which is to be part of creating a loving, diverse and vital society and the dismantling of white supremacy and patriarchy then I can trust that my work is needed and of value.
It's been a magical and challenging time of spiritual and emotional abundance and of developing resilience and owning privilege. Slowly, very slowly the online presence of Unspeakable Arts is becoming. You can now find paintings, postcards and poetry as well as blog posts and information about events and projects if your explore the site. You can even purchase items!
Alongside this I have been working to finish the first draft of a story I am writing that will be a graphic novel. The next stage is the artwork which means making lots of choices... my friend Joe who is a computer whizz pointed out to me that my naïveté and how it affects my digital drawing will only make my art work more unique. This was nice to hear as so much of what’s out there tells you there’s only one way to process with successful results and I feel unable to fit into that mould. Also as a person with very low income and learning differences paying to learn or get expert help is not an option. I need to learn by doing or through exchange with friends or like minded creatives. This is all part of developing a society based less on finance and more on connection and energy exchange. It also calls me into contact with creative marginal people who value my authenticity and who I can support to give language to their experiences through my own struggles and vice a versa.
Soon it will be time to leave the mooring at Eastwood. I will be nomadic again. No literal destination in mind but I will be exploring the Leeds and Liverpool canal and hopefully get up to York too. Before that it's an uphill journey to clean and organise the boat and stock it with magic and creative consciousness so that it can be a portal for people to explore other ways of thinking and being that will hopefully touch their souls and support them in their humanity. I am in the process of making a sign for the boat and of making sets of 'Qualities Cards' to sell. I've found working with qualities rather than goals to be incredibly transformative and I want to find a way to make this more wholistic approach to engaging with work and personal aspirations accessible to as many people as possible.