Making space for sadness and finding buried treasures!
Today’s blog is about sadness. It’s been intense recently. So many new joys and possibilities, and so much change and wiith each new place new sadness and old, old sadness. Healing to do. The depths and coming back to the surface from the depths of sadness is a bit disorienting and scary. So parts of me are coming down to earth and at the same time coming up for air. Things that have been buried kept apart hidden are wanting to be seen, known explored. Diving down in the depths I find treasure and magic, wishes forgotten, dreams tucked away, desires emerging like fishes from the shadowy rocks. I dive down and quietly bring these things up to the surface where I can breathe and look at them.
Sometimes its been scary to be in the darkness for so long with no rope and no oxygen, sometimes I feel intruded upon in my sadness or rejected. No thanks we don’t want your watery mess here. Then even more sadness for the not being held and welcomed in your sadness for not having some light and warmth shined upon you in your sorrows. This is why I'm planning on making a little ritual for grief and sadness first at an individual level. A day or a morning a week to rest down into my sorrows to keep them company. I also want to hold this at a family and community level.
Once a fortnight a gathering around a fire to share our sorrows, disappointments, losses, and grief so that they can be integrated, allowed, flowed with followed to what they reveal to us. It feels quite something to make this space. A space which has been lost in this culture but still exists in many and their is grief in this too. There is part of me which resists and says what’s the point, nobody cares, it’s all a waste of time. How lonely and sad this place is. How tired of being lonely and sad. How tired of being a living sentient, longing, loving, sensual, curious being cut off from all that matters. Here is my sadness telling me that I matter, that life matters, that how I live matters. That I have things I want and need and want to offer and give. Here is the buried treasure.
I cannot wait for other people to understand my sadness, or accept and be with their own, I must be with my sadness for it’s own sake and remember that life is it’s own meaning and this is my life. How beautiful and miraculous to be alive, to learn, to make mistakes, to fail, to grow, to wonder. To never know. To reach out to belong - to be your longing. To express it, exposed, tenuous, tentative, hungry full of love and limitation and magic. Full of water and breath. To create a space to be met.
So this blog is one of my magic spaces for sadness. I also work through my sadness in my creative work. In particular the graphic novel I’m working on called the Storyless Sea. You can find out more about this and get sneak previews by becoming a patron. May this expression it meet you in your sadness felt, or buried and may we find solace in our capacity to care, to feel, to re-cognise to reach out again and again into the beautiful darkness of the unknown.